In Doing, I Lost the Being

My blog ceased to be the kind of nook I first dreamed it to be over the longest time. I am hoping that I would be able to catch up again. After all those wasted long months of not blogging, I am aware of my two primary reasons:

+ My camera bought primarily for blogging malfunctioned

+ My netbook primarily bought for the same reason crashed

And repair and/or buying another one is not just my priority as of the moment.

Come on now.

But, I am grateful to be banging the keys again... sitting on someone else's desk, using someone else's computer. ;)

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If I'd be real honest with myself, I can say that I lost myself over the things I do for the past months. I have become more of a doing than a being. I lost myself doing and looking after the affairs and matters of others, that I ended up losing myself and the Dream entrusted to me so I can be Me. 

I am sad. I am grieving.

I am at most times in the brink of giving up the Dream and carrying on at the same time. I am but dust. I feel exhausted and I wish for Christ's second coming to happen any day soonest (Yes, to that extent).

Much to my regret, I was not able to pull off something that's important to me. Totoo pala na minsan nakakalimutan mo na ang sarili mo sa pag-iintindi sa iba. Akala ko exaggeration lang 'yun. Not until it happened to me. I'm not blaming anyone or anything. This is all on me.

Comfort just comes with the truth that God is my greatest Comforter in my most raw, unpretentious form. I am still accepted in the beloved. I am not forgotten. I just need to grieve over this even in the simplest way I know. 

That was a breather. Thank you for bearing with me if you happened to randomly bumped into this post. 

Note to self: I will be back. Promise.