Aling Leoning

"Napakabait ng nanay n'yo..." (You have a very kind mother), Aling Leoning tearfully said when I stumbled upon her on the cemetery yesterday. "Wala akong masabi...", (I've got nothing to say of her kindness) and she continued to wipe away her tears.

ALING LEONING. More than a trusted kasambahay (househelp), she was Mama's friend and confidant. When Mama passed away, I knew she was one of those who mourned with us deeply. Time and circumstances took its course that we lost touch. We were eventually reconnected upon knowing that her family turned out to be a cemetery caretaker ~ particularly where Mama had been buried.

It's been 21 years since Mama passed away but, still, Aling Leoning looks after Mama's grave and assured us not to worry. She selflessly took it upon herself. Such friendship. Such loyalty. Such dedication. Such love. What can I say to that? Nothing. That's something you can't teach, quantify or able to repay. I am just more than blessed to have witnessed a God-given & inspired friendship.

I may have known Mama as a mother but, through Aling Leoning's eyes, I am able to at least get a glimpse of who Mama is as a friend.

Thank you, Aling Leoning. Thank you. I thank God for you. I will see you again.

On Missing Mom

I have always been cautious to show my vulnerability on social media, especially on Facebook. Though on many occasions, when emotions were high, I had been tempted (almost like ready to give in) to bang the keys and bluntly and thoughtlessly answer the question, 'What's on my mind?' 

I held back. I didn't regret holding back ~ at all. I just have way too many FB friends to let my heart out in the open.

It's a blessing I have this nook here. I am a total stranger to about 95% of my blog readers/viewers/guests. I can at least express my vulnerability on certain occasions. 

That's just my intro, by the way. *wink*

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I miss Mom. I miss Mama.
She passed away, went Home to glory 21 years ago. Just imagine how young I was then. I never thought time would pass by so fast, that she had been gone that long already. That long stretch of time brought me at one instance that I was taken aback because I can no longer remember the details of her face. :'( That scared me, really. I can't intricately remember the shape of her eyes, her eyelids, eyelashes, and how she closes and opens them. I can't remember her lips, cheeks and almost about the details of the face this child once used to hold her gaze.

I miss those nurturing hands that once were there.
I miss the feeling and the idea of being someone's daughter.
I miss having the freedom to just go home and rest in her arms.
I miss not having the pressure to perform well because I know I am accepted whether I exceeded or fall short of expectations.

What's left with us are her memories, a few pictures and this Footprints written on her Bible's flyleaf:

I don't know, maybe this serves as Mama's prayer for us ~ that when the going gets tough, we will be assured and comforted that God will be with us to carry us through.

With this, Mama, thank you. Your leaving had introduced us and had made us aware of God's love and comfort. 

I love you. I miss you.

Better than What I See, Better than What I Feel

He was better to me than all my hopes;
He was better than all my fears;
He made a bridge of my broken works,
And a rainbow of my tears.
The stormy waves that marked my ocean path,
Did carry my Lord on their crest;
When I dwell on the days of my wilderness march
I can lean on his love for the rest.

He emptied my hands of my treasured store,
And His covenant love revealed,
There was not a wound in my aching heart,
The balm of His breath has not healed.
Oh, tender and true was His discipline sore,
In wisdom, that taught and tried,
Till the soul that He sought was trusting in Him,
And nothing on earth beside.

He guided my paths that I could not see,
By ways that I have not known;
The crooked was straight, and the rough was plain
As I followed the Lord alone.
I praise Him still for the pleasant palms,
And the desert streams by the way,
For the glowing pillar of flame by night,
And the sheltering cloud by day.

Never a time on the dreariest day,
But some promise of love endears;
I read from the past, that my future will be
Far better than all my fears.
Like the golden jar, of the wilderness bread,
Stored up with the blossoming rod,
All safe in the ark, with the Law of the Lord,
Is the covenant care of my God.

* from this book:

Random Thoughts, V

Turn back time:

Random Thoughts, I

Random Thoughts, II

Random Thoughts, III
Random Thoughts, IV

I'm excited not because I already know something. I'm excited because I know I will be learning more things.

I love long, stuck in traffic kind of travels. 
They turn out to be 
one of my most productive times: 
I read, I study, 
I listen to music,
I rest. I sleep,
I pray.

Sometimes, we don't need a lot of sources. What we need is but a One, Faithful Source. And The Source has been faithful in reminding me just that.

From my desk calendar:

"Rest will come as you learn to adjust to the place in which God has put you, as you joyfully and thankfully adapt to the purpose that He intended."

Dear Lord, help me not to take matters into my own hands. It is by Your leading and direction that I am (now) handling 'Two', by Your grace, help me to put my complete trust in You. Bring to my remembrance that in every way, everyday, You will see me through. And in every single moment between, gracefully teach me what it really means to dance and embrace this 'Season' with You. Amen.

So I Won't Forget

I have been out of the blogosphere for the longest time I ever remembered. Being hard pressed by time and circumstances led me to put blogging to a temporary halt. It is just by the sudden gush of inspiration I find myself here now, banging the keys. I am so glad I did.

I tried hard, really hard to keep my posts from showing the vulnerable side of me. I put conscious efforts (that I so often failed) to hide the heart of this blogger. But I now feel and think that a blog should be functional to the blogger himself, and that he must write what's in his heart for that will give him the drive to keep writing and writing and writing.

Whoa, that's a swift introduction.

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I am thankful to the Lord for leading and placing me in situations where I would learn to trust Him and draw unto Him all the more. I am thankful that He has taken me out of predictable situations that I so often find comfortable. I am thankful He has placed me in situations for me to experience His supernatural provision, encouragement and strength that I would experience nowhere else than in my present situation.

It's a blessing to be reminded of these things from the book I just read today. It ministered to me beyond words and it's just too good not to post. So I am doing this now so I won't forget this momentous time ~ what the Lord did for me today:

* For some who pray expecting an answer, it takes a long time to learn that delays of answers are not denials. In fact, in the "Delayed Blessing Office," there are deep secrets of love and wisdom that we never imagined! We tend to want to pick our blessings from the tree while they are still green, yet God wants us to wait until they are fully ripe.

* Do not grieve Him by doubting His love. Instead, lift up your eyes and begin praising Him right now for the deliverance that is on its way to you. Then you will be abundantly rewarded for the delay that has tried your faith.

O you of little faith,

God has not failed you yet!

When all looks dark and gloomy,

You do soon forget ---

Forget that He has led you,

And gently cleared your way;

On clouds has poured His sunshine,

And turned your night to day.

And if He's helped You to this point,

He will not fail you now;

How it must wound His loving heart

To see your anxious brow!

Oh! doubt not any longer,

To Him commit your way,

Whom in the past you trusted,

And is just the same today.

---

Teach me, dear Lord. Help me not to forget.

From This Book

Nevertheless We Must Run Aground

Have you ever put heart and soul into something, prayed over it, worked at it with a good heart because you believed it to be what God wanted, and finally seen it "run aground"?

The story of Paul's voyage as a prisoner across the Adriatic Sea tells how an angel stood beside him and told him not to be afraid (in spite of winds of hurricane force), for God would spare his life and the lives of all with him on board ship. Paul cheered his guards and fellow passengers with that word, but added, "Nevertheless, we must run aground on some island" (Acts 27:26, NIV).

It would seem that the God who promises to spare all hands might have "done the job right," saved the ship as well, and spared them from the ignominy of having to make it to land on the flotsam and jetsam that was left. The fact is He did not, nor does He always spare us.

Heaven is not here, it's There. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for.

"Running aground," then, is not the end of the world. But it helps us to make the world a bit less appealing. It may be even God's answer to "Lead us not into temptation" – the temptation complacently to settle for visible things.

What's on my Desk?

Literally, there has been so many days the time I open my eyes to begin the day, I read. And before I close my eyes to end the day, I read. More so, I do a lot of reading in between. Poor eyes.

My room desk has a lot of forbearance, too. It is such an active participant to my day-to-day and occasional activities. Utilized to the max, but loved so much! :)

What's on my desk?

I am currently preparing for a talk next month. So, I pulled out my tools from my shelves, put them on my desk for easy access. Even with resources now available online, paperbacks still work for me --- perfectly well. These books are my choicest and have personal imprints. I am no Bible scholar, nor a theologian. I am but a simple student of the Word. Me, being given an opportunity to share and teach the Word never ceases my status as a student of the same. 


---

I've got a handful of devotion guides/companion on my shelf. Sometimes, I don't know which one to use. But one day, as I was tidying up the room, this book came up. I almost forgot I have this. The title came so striking and so relevant that I felt the need to put this on my desk. This is the one.

A quiet heart on quiet times.

---

How about you, what's on your desk?

Random Thoughts, IV

Turn back time:

Random Thoughts, I

Random Thoughts, II

Random Thoughts, III

Prefer to understand context over content.

One thing that moves me to tears: God's grace.

Lord, give me the heart to Ask.

Word for the moment: Redefine.

Lord, you have been so good, and so kind, and so gracious to me. Thank You.

What's in a Dream?

It took me quite a long while to understand and even know what a Dream is. If you are one of those who do not even know what it means to dream or, you have one but you're not sure if it's the real deal, come and read along.

(Just a side note, I am not to tell that these are absolutes, but these lessons have been resounding so much in my heart for a very long time. It enlightened me beyond words and driven me beyond explanation. These 3 had come randomly on separate occasions and I am just surprised that when I penned the 3 together, how interwoven they have become.)

A Dream is Never Small.
Had it been small, it would just be within an arm's reach. Had it been small, it would be a no-sweat thing. Had it been small, no one would be afraid of it.

But you see, Dreams are intended to be big. A Dream has always been something so far and hard to reach. A Dream has always been accompanied by decisions we have to make, risks we have to take, and changes we have to adapt with. It is factored with blood, sweat, and tears. No wonder many are afraid of it.

A Dream more often than not, is bigger than life itself. A Dream is at its best when it is big, because it is then we place a high regard on its value. It is in the pursuit of a big dream we realize our limitations and recognize the need of Someone bigger than us to journey with us as we carry on towards our Dream.

A Dream teaches us to be humble.

A Dream is Never Self-serving.
The heart of a Dream is serving, sharing, and giving of oneself to others. The joy of a Dream fulfilled comes when appropriation of those dreams are received by its intended recipients. It is made in the context of a community. 

For once, have you ever talked to a Dreamer?

I bet he'll tell you he had been in situations where he had seen needs and had that growing desire to turn it around --- that something has to be done and someone has to do it. 

Dreamers are created to strengthen, empower, and edify a community. It will be in the very same community future Dreamers will rise.

A Dream teaches us to be selfless.

A Dream is Never Self-Made.
I dreamed it on my own. 
It's mine to pursue. 
I did it: My name. My say. My way.

To this I say: A Dream is not a product of self. It is not a product of a "one-man-team". It never was and it will never be.

Behind every Dream is a Dream-giver. He is the One who caused us to dream Big Dreams. The Dream-giver will use people and situations for the Dream to be realized and come to pass. It is not from ourselves. It is not our Dream after all.

More so, a Dreamer had come across keen-eyed people who had seen him, tapped his potential, honed his God-given talent and skills, and encouraged him to master his craft. 

A Dreamer had gone through situations that stretched him but chose to lengthen his cords and strengthen his stakes.

We need people along the way. Let's not dismiss them. Embrace them instead.
We need character-molding situations. Let's not run from it. Tackle it, survive it, and learn from it.

A Dream teaches us to say no to self-exaltation.

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A Dreamer is never a sleeper. 
He is awake and he make things happen. 
He is intentional with his actions. 
His energy is geared towards the Dream.
He is a doer but he has a wisdom to know when to pause for a while, to regain strength in between, and carry on. 
When tired and weary you'll find him on his knees drawing strength and encouragement from his Maker, his God, his Dream-giver. 

To fellow Dreamers, with the Dream-giver on the team, let's dream big so that others may learn from Him how it is to have a Dream fulfilled. 

A Wallet Project

(Warning: Too many color green *wink*)

I have always been trying to maintain an organized wallet, but I always fail. As most of us can relate, when you are at the counter, there are many things going on. Looking for cards, taking out cash & coins, getting the gift card back, getting the change, getting the receipt + making sure you do it quickly or else the one next in line will be raising brows at you. 

Result? A bulky and disorganized wallet.

I was relieved by this particular video. I really find this helpful so I want to share this with you.

I particularly want to thank my sister for introducing to me this YouTube channel, Alejandra TV. :)

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=alejandra+wallet

I was inspired so I gave it a try. I went to a local bookstore, bought a business card organizer with a detachable cover:

The thing was, I don't like the color black. But since there was no other available color and in my desperate attempt to organize, I still bought it, thinking to give my eyes a try. Unfortunately, black still didn't work to my taste. 

Tada! I remembered having watched a video on how to make a Bible cover and I thought of doing the same to my wallet. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAe3iBzDFw0

I tried to work on a wallet cover (without a flap) from supplies that I already have:

I didn't have craft duct tape so I used a simple clear tape and covered/laminated the whole thing. Then I slid the cards into the sleeves according to frequency of use:

For security purposes, I covered some card info w/  'butterflies'. ;)

So now, I am ready to go.

One thing I like about the wallet cover since it is detachable, I can change it from time to time ~ when it's already worn or torn, or if I happen to spot a craft paper that I really like. ;)

That's it for today. I am beginning to like what I see. :)

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* Today is 06 January 2015. I don't feel sleepy yet so I made another wallet cover:

I don't know how many covers I will be making out of sleeplessness. I am just having so much fun. :)