Shades of November

My 11th month pretty much has been a journey of 

I-don't-want-to-feel-this-way-again. 

It was draggy. It was difficult. It was lonely.

My few last posts quite painted a picture of what I was going through. But thanks at last... it's the 30th! Today is November's last day! Yay! I don't actually know for sure if November in itself has something to do with it as I was quite like this too, last year. I'm just thinking --- either what I've felt was: 

a given, understandable, destined feeling,

or a choice.

Or maybe both (?).

On the lighter side, now that I am back on the groove, pretty much back to my normal self, I plotted my 11th month in matches and in shades.

By God's grace I now rise from a pitch black - gray - blue - feeling, to a greener, full of hope spirit. I am a runner. I am winner. I am a victor. 

I believe we are called to rise above our situations. Beauty for ashes.

To November next year, may I make a request? Please be kind to me because 

I don't want to feel this way again. 

---

Hebrews 12:1-2

New International Version (NIV)

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

---

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

New International Version (NIV)

³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

A Tune in Time

When all has been said and done and gone, off to bed she goes ---

I am really all by myself, am I not?

These were the few words of her who's braving life independently said in between sighs. As everything in life has a purpose, these timely words came:

...You think you're on your own

but you're not alone...

This is the promise HE made

HE will be with you always...

How can words come so exact? How can it come so timely? 

It came through a melody. As she is walking in her lowest, and as we give her time for a break, allow me to share this song. I hope you won't mind if I request you to listen to this, too. You maybe needing this today or maybe someday.

To the one who's dreams are falling all apart

And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think you’re on your own
but you're not alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet?
With a love so strong He'll never let you go
No, you're not alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
The hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you now to rise?
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone

These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free

---

That's all I have for today. Nothing more, nothing less. I hope the song ministered to you, too.

The Day I Wore Blue

* Another overdue response to one of my previous posts. :)

Green has always been my color. But it was on the 16th of May this year I had given blue a chance, a try ~ on my friend's wedding day (her wedding deserves another post though). 

People say that you are what you wear. I think it's true. 
A lot of things are going through my head right now, but this post has nothing much to say.

I was wearing blue then outside.

I am wearing blue now inside.

I do not know the other blues I might be wearing in the future, but this I know: Whatever color we may wear, there will always be a reason to smile. 

So as for me...

I will simply smile the blues away. :)

I hope and pray you will do so, too, in case you'd be wearing some blues ~ today or some other day.

A Time to Trust

Time and time again, we've been battling with so many things. One battle comes after another. Yet, the choice is always left for us to make ~ to or not to... trust.

I am thankful to be reminded:

When is the time to trust?
Is it when all is calm,
When waves the victor's palm,
And life is one glad psalm?
Nay! but the time to trust
Is when the waves beat high,
When storm clouds fill the sky,
And pray'r is one long cry.

When is the time to trust?
Is it when friends are true?
Is it when comforts woo
In all we say and do?
Nay! but the time to trust
Is when we stand alone,
And summer birds have flown,
And every prop is gone.

When is the time to trust?
Is it some future day,
When you have tried your way,
And learned to trust and pray?
Nay! but the time to trust
Is in this moment's need,
Poor, broken, bruised reed.
Poor, troubled soul, make speed!

When is the time to trust?
Is it when hopes beat high,
When sunshine gilds the sky
With joy and ecstasy?
Nay! but the time to trust
Is when our joy has fled,
When sorrow bows the head,
And all is cold and dead.

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/651#ixzz2CeZnuuJJ

Counter Encounter

"You know something? That still small voice will never shout."

It sure does and that's the way it has always been. Day in or day out, standing or lying down, going in or out, name it ~ It will really never shout.

---

It was shortly after our field work lunch that I decided to sit still and rest for a while. Some stood, went out, did their grocery, and some did their own little, mini-personal stuff. And so there I was, sitting idly by as I work & read through my mobile phone as I pass the time away.

Look away from your phone for a while and turn your eyes on your right.

Okay, so I did. Graphing out my location, about 30-ish meters away was a woman standing by the grocery counter. Seeing just a typical scenario, I went on with my phone. 

utne.com

Stand up. Go to that woman at the counter.

Before I even responded further to that, something came up again.

And please, bring your purse with you. The woman at the counter is short of money. Pay for how much she still needs.

I needed no thunderous voice nor a holy lightning to respond. In a heartbeat, I stood up bringing what I was told to bring. I know I do not have a sumptuous amount in my purse as it's an S.O.P. on field work not to bring such, but I find no harm in obeying.

A hi, a smile, and a quick glance on her grocery cart were the first few things I did when I came to the counter. I saw food and other goodies. She's a wife. She's a homemaker. She's a mom. 

Not so long (I opt not to elaborate), the woman and the cashier exchanged non-verbal, eye communication. And I was there ~ just there.

The woman released a deep, long sigh, "I am sorry, I just did not expect this. I am short of money and..."

Tada!

No further explanation needed. I immediately did the thing for which I was sent. I took out my purse and paid for the amount she still needs. And to my surprise, the not-so-much money I had was the exact amount she needs! The woman, the cashier and I were caught by surprise in different, unuttered ways.

Can somebody just made that up? I don't think so. It was a divine encounter at the counter. 

Days after, the woman made an effort to pay. I refused. She insisted. I refused again. Then she asked,

Why?

I smiled and said, "I didn't do that out of obligation. So I am not putting back such on you. You are completely not in debt. I did that out of obedience."

The encounter was not that grand, but it was a sincere act and expression of love from Above. I know the credit is not mine, but to the One who told me to stand.

For the past years, this I learned: Never doubt or discount your ability to hear from the Lord. A thunderous voice, a holy lightning we do not need, or even a question of doubt like "Maybe it's just me". A life-fellowship with Him can bring something extraordinary from an ordinary, still and peaceful day.

Told you ~ that still small voice will never shout. :)

Wordless Love Post

50th on the 1st

Time flies. 

It has been 365 days ago since I started this little blog. I am happy with the simple thought that I had done something right and productive with my leisure time. My blogging attempt over the past years had finally materialized. Blogging so far has made me say it is both a work of heart and a work of art. Thank you, Lord I survived. Yay.

So, this marks my 50th post on my 1st year of blogging. I had not written that much, but I am really happy for this accomplishment. 

Happy Birthday Streaks!

Looking back on my first post, here I am, still... 
armed with a mind that speaks, 
armed with passionate heart that drives this timid soul, 
and armed with hand that is still willing to do the work, 
let the words continually come into being.

And, this I still do: I write for the love of it.

To my readers so far, I humbly thank you for dropping by.
Thank you for journeying with me.



Image credit: nzecochick.com

Father Abraham Had 7 Children

If you know this children's song, share this few minutes with me singing:

Father Abraham had seven children

Seven children had Father Abraham

One of them was tall

All the rest were small

But none of them were right

Raise your right... Raise your left...

It's not that I am going to do a song analysis on this one. It is not that I am nostalgic about my childhood days either. This children's song suddenly came up to mind when I was processing the story of one of my colleagues. For the sake of consistency, I will name him, Mr. Abraham.

Just a few hours ago, Mr. Abraham, another colleague and I were on the  company truck. Our weekend field work had just ended and we were heading back home. It was a long day and we were all very tired. Mr. A was driving. To help keep himself awake, he shared bits and pieces of his life. We listened. It's not a new thing for Mr. A because he really loves to talk ~ a lot.

As provided by the children's song, true enough, our very own Mr. Abraham had seven children:

In our grandparents' generation specially in rural areas, having many children was normal, pretty normal. I knew families who had 9-13 children. But when we talk about today, we all know that having seven children in the city is just ~ way too much.

Mr. Abraham's children range from 18 years old as eldest and 4 years old, youngest. As each family has its own dynamics, theirs is kind of unusual.

One recently moved out.
One is deaf.
One has cerebral palsy.
One is athletic.
One is smart.
One is street smart.
One is still too young for school.

Mr. A and his wife has a big responsibility placed upon their shoulders. They have 7 children with different personalities to deal with, 7 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and precious little lives to love and protect. Mr. A said that they are careful not to regard one above the others, that they won't feel one is favored while the others are less loved. As many as they are, they still make time to talk to each one personally.

Covering and providing for the needs of the family is a great challenge for Mr. A. There are times it's really hard to make both ends meet. As hard as it is, still they see the grace and providence of God. They see their children as blessings and gifts. In Mr. A's eyes, fulfilling the role as the head of the family is a service done for the Lord. Not for men, not for neighbors or relatives, but for the Lord.

It makes me smile hearing good and positive words from Mr. A. What a humble, spirited, God-fearing man we got here! His family life is no joke. There may be times he had been at the end of the ropes. But see, we were the one blessed hearing Mr. A's stories along the way. No complains, no rants, no regrets. No wonder he has been blessed a 'lot'.

To Mr. Abraham who had seven children, we salute you!

Psalm 127:4-5

New International Version (NIV)

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior 

are children born in one’s youth. 

Blessed is the man 

whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be put to shame 

when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 37:25-26

New International Version (NIV)

I was young and now I am old,
    yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
    or their children begging bread.

They are always generous and lend freely;
    their children will be a blessing.

Song reference: kalisch13.tripod.com/lyric_act.htm
Image credits: crcschool.scoilnet.ie & annieink.com

Dream Team, Dream Theme

It had never occurred to me that the simplicity of my dreams would have a different role to play ~ for me and, for a few. Never had I been completely aware that the Lord has been gearing me towards using this thing until these words were spoken to me:

Date : Tuesday, March 27, 2012.

Jansen* : Are you a dreamer? 

Me : (Ahmm) Yes.

Jansen : Do you dream a lot?

Me : Yes. (Now, I want to fall from my seat!)

He continued,

"You dream things and God has anointed you to interpret those dreams. People will be coming to you to share their dreams. You will help them see what those dreams are and, you will lead them to make those dreams come to pass. But those dreams are not just limited to dreams when you are asleep." 

Then came Martin*:

"... and God wants speak to you... He will give you eyes to see dreams that God has for his sons and daughters... speak of truth, speak of love. I believe that one of your jobs is to speak to those lives who don’t even know what a dream is, to speak to those who do not even know what it means to dream because they may feel they do not have anything to dream about. ... Speak dreams into their lives. Speak that hope. Speak into their lives that there is a brighter future, that there is a better tomorrow, that God has a plan and a purpose for them, that they are here for a reason, that He has intentions. There’s an intention He placed in each and every one of them. God is just going to fill that. He can fill that, really."

Two different people, both are strangers to me but, both have spoken about the same thing on the same day ~ dreams. If I am at the most comfortable time and feeling, I would like to share with you bits and pieces of my journey about this. It was also a good thing then I had my mobile phone with me. So I was able to record these spoken words & was able to transcribe them.

If I have one thing in mind, it is that I want to fulfill the Lord's purposes, (not mine) about this. Not I, but Him who is to be lifted up, who is to be made known. I know that each one of us has been given a gift ~ a gift which is really not about us, but about God and His love for His people; and how He will use these gifts to encourage and build people up.

What comfort it is to know that the Lord, Who orchestrated all this has made me not to dream for nothing but, to dream because of something, and to dream for something. 

And I think, it will always be my theme every time I sleep.
And with God in it, it's going to be a 'dream team'.

- - - - - - - - - - -

*Jansen & Martin (not their real names), are students of this school/ministry called Bethel. Their group has been visiting our workplace yearly. They come visit, minister, and empower workers of different organizations. We have been really blessed with their coming. This year is their third.

A Message That Fire Can't Burn

"What do you think is this?"

"Ah-uhm, another edited photo?" I innocently asked.

I received no as a reply. At first look, the picture shown to me can't just be ~ unedited. Come on. With a lot of photo editing tools in cyberspace readily available, this can't just be real. 

I looked once, twice, thrice.

Okay, I give in, it's unedited. What's with this picture then? I leaned forward trying to listen to every word. Now it's me, from the picture to the story. Then they showed me something again:

"... Our humble, old church building was caught up in fire. The flames were slowly killing our church, our sanctuary, our second home. Members, families and onlookers came. We can't do anything but stop, stare and pray from a distance..."

After the flames died down, from the remains and rubble they all gathered around. They all looked and checked what was left from the disaster that struck their church walls but, most of all their hearts.

This is what they have found. This was the unedited picture I was telling you about:

It gripped their hearts seeing this among the remains. There's a touching, heartfelt message that the fire wasn't able to burn. The message reached them and comforted them.

Some messages can't just be burned by tragedies and disasters. Sometimes, they deliver it actually. The message can come swiftly or slowly. Whichever way, it always reaches the hearts and touches the lives of those who are intended and willing to receive it.

So, fire, you may have conquered buildings and walls but there will always be something that you simply can't burn.

---

*Note to readers:
Thank you for reading. This post was intentionally written short. May I request that the video and picture may not be transmitted, transferred, copied or reproduced in any form or manner. Thank you very much. :)

His Grace in a Bio-Man's Face

"So you dance too, I suppose?" I asked Rowel* while taking a break.

"Ah, yes. I dance, too, same as Miriam*. But that was before the accident." 

"What accident? Why? When?" This curious little me sparkled with the greatest undivided attention to a story I'm about to hear.

2004.
Motorbike accident.
Head to head collision.


I knew and saw that something's wrong, that something's not right with his face. I didn't pay attention to it. I shrugged it off to myself. Maybe it was because I was raised not to single out & pick out people's disabilities, abnormalities, and the like. And maybe, I was just polite not to ask. My interrogation might offend him. Good thing, he paved his way to the story.

"My face that you now see has 39 steel plates and 19 screws in it. The surgeons needed to do that to at least get my face back. My face was totally crushed and unrecognizable. I was bleeding to death. But you know, God's grace made a way for me to get help, and to live."

"I can't dance the way I used to. I can't join competitions, I can't do exhibitions, and I can't do lifts anymore. But you know what? I may be limited, but I know I can still do other things. I see life more differently now."

There I was, sitting at the dance floor room, talking to once a stranger named Rowel. A living proof of God's grace. He may be a 'bio-man', but hey, he's been through tough ordeals. This bio-man is a survivor. The accident itself is one thing. And getting his life back after the accident is another. His disfigured face has a story to tell. Behind his face, behind this bionic man's face, is the love of God that wants nothing but for him to live.

It's sad how some of us fret with how our faces look like - becoming so particular with our face's symmetry, angle, color and lines. How vain we turn out to be at times. But here's a man who didn't mind the symmetry of his face. He just wanted to see, he just wanted to live. Put in the steel. Put in the screws. Put and stitch it all together.

"I thought I was going to die. But here I am... still alive."

On Rowel's behalf, I thank the Lord for the gift of life.
It was God's grace in this bio-man's life.

-----


*Rowel is the best friend of Miriam*, a dance instructor I invited to teach dance for our upcoming event at the office. Miriam asked Rowel to accompany her.

*not their real names.

*Cropped image credit : ideationox.deviantart.com

Just The Way I Like It

It was the simplest celebration I did for myself. As simple as it may appear, but it was a very special one ~ just the way I like my day to end. So, it was the night of my birthday when I went out alone to my favorite coffee shop immediately after work.



Daylight view from my favorite seat/spot at the coffee shop

I knew exactly what to do. I took out my journal and wrote those things running through my head. I wrote prayers and thoughts in a speed of light! I was just flowing with thoughts that my hand needed to take a double time just to catch up.

Here is but a few of those thoughts ~ thoughts that I am willing to share with you:

"... LORD, You remained faithful, kept me sane, cheered me on, lifted me up... You have been my Constant Companion ... If there is something I could utterly wish or pray for, it is that I will continue to dream big dreams and, that I will see things differently ~ that I will see things the way You want me to see them.

Whatever the next 365 days will give and bring, I pray that by Your grace I will be able to stand the test of time and of faith. I pray that I will continue to go on and will remain faithful to You as You are to me.

If time comes that I need to go beyond borders and take risks, it is my prayer that I will so ever cling to You, consult You, and take Your counsel ~ if it's a stop or go, yes or no. Make my heart stronger, my speech bolder, and mind clearer.

Thank You, my dearest Lord for the gift of Your faithfulness... I want to grow more in love with You and walk in Your wisdom more and more each day.

Amen."

Time for my pasta and coffee.
Happy birthday to me!
I am happy to be 30
~ celebrated just the way I like it. :)

Teardrops on the Floor & Something About 13

* This is an overdue response to one of my previous posts. :)

Calling SG # 6.

It was our turn. After words of testimonies for the 7-day Leadership-Discipleship Camp were read & heard, our Small Group stood in the middle. Shortly, a chorus of audible, low key hushes and silent words of prayer enveloped us. With my hands still holding my SGmates, I heard sobs. I knew one of us was shedding tears.

Then I saw teardrops on the floor. 

I just didn't know who was it. I was trying to comprehend where that intense feeling was coming from. I knew it was something deep. Those were sobs that's been wanting to be heard, and those were tears that's been wanting to be dried. Soon after, Mia (not her real name), grabbed my hand and embraced me wholly.

Flood of tears and louder sobs came from Mia. She can't say anything. She just wept and wept. I took her aside and held her tight. We went outside. I watched her intently, saying silent words of prayer for her.

"This is our last night, Ate. I hope I can always talk to you." Then again, she cried.

Then to her I said, "The Lord loves you very much. Always remember that. He is Your Comforter and the Lifter of your head. I am here before you because of Him. I am just like you and may fail you at times. I have frailties and a complete set of weaknesses. But the Lord, He surely doesn't and will never fail you. It is by His grace I survived. And it is by the same I will continue to live.

You can live, you can rise, you can shine in and through Him."

There were more teardrops on the floor. I wanted to cry, too. I hugged her back, tucked her in. I couldn't say anything more. I completely know where she was coming from and how I wish our statistics would decrease.

Mia and I are both motherless. She's been living a motherless life for a year. I've been living mine for 18 years. And you know what more comes to that?

Both of our moms died on March 13th.

The Lord must have known all this and purposefully joined us together in SG. It is something you can't just make. It is something... divine.

To dear Mia, as surely as the Lord lives, you got me here. I will always be here to pray for you, and will surely remember you every March 13th. And I will remember the night you cried, the night I saw your teardrops on the floor.

Incalculable loss? Yes.

Experienced comfort from the Greatest Comforter? A bigger YES. 



This Month's Bs

The 7th month comes to an end today. Time flies. As I close with this post, there's nothing I can think of but the blessings that paved through the past 31 days. To this, I thank the Lord.

Books

This month blessed me with books that I really love ~ all purchased with the best deal ever! What a blessing Booksale is! It has been filling my shelves little by little all through these years. It's giving me so much joy.

Coming across with my post Clean.Read.Blog. once again, my bookshelf really looked like this:

With my love for reading and realizing my books needed more shelves to fill, it has grown into this:

I still don't have a lot actually. But I am thankful how they are multiplying. The books in my shelves are really my choicest ones and some are precious gifts. On top of it all, this 7th month blessed me with the completion of this:

Happy, happy, happy me! :)

Band

This month, for the record, filled me and the people around me with the greatest of surprises. Challenging is an understatement, so is tough and nerve-racking. Better left unsaid. But the Lord blessed me with the coming of this group ~ which I can really say I am a fan. With all those things happening around, better yet praise the Lord. And so, praise I did.

The entrance/ticket was free and I was able to get a good-viewing seat. What a treat for the end of the week!

Blog

And most of all, I am happy to be back here, striking and banging the keys. It's in this month I am able to return to my 5-posts-per-month discipline (my self-induced pressure). I've been a poor blogger for the past two months. My busy life manifested through my blog. Haha! So I tried to get up once again by posting with & about something light. I think my trying succeeded.

--
There are a lot of things/blessings I am thankful to the Lord for this month. I just focused writing about the Bs this time.

Maybe next time, I'll try the ABCs. :)