Shall We Dance, Again?

I miss dancing. A LOT. I wish I can describe how my arms and feet have been wanting to dance it all out for the Lord.

I am not a dancer as one would initially picture in mind. My story was kind of different. Having been out of the dance floor for the longest time, oftentimes I just dance in my mind. Life's just been full of travels, working, studying, coming and going that I've put on dancing too much on the sidelines. There were times I wish life would just be simple and that I'll just dance away to every tune I hear.

Stumbling on this video reminded me strongly again of one of the things I love to do: dance for the Lord. I am reminded that sometimes, dancing doesn't mean you always have to be on the move. Sometimes, you just have to stand still, raise your hands, bow down and then slowly begin to execute those dances as the Spirit leads. When free and choreographed dance meet --- how powerful and anointed a dance can become!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jHNCmFLfHQ

I am praying for open opportunities to dance again. If it's one of the things I'm designed to do but fails to do so, no wonder I'm restless.

Lord, shall we dance, again? I miss You. I miss US, dancing. :(

Aling Leoning

"Napakabait ng nanay n'yo..." (You have a very kind mother), Aling Leoning tearfully said when I stumbled upon her on the cemetery yesterday. "Wala akong masabi...", (I've got nothing to say of her kindness) and she continued to wipe away her tears.

ALING LEONING. More than a trusted kasambahay (househelp), she was Mama's friend and confidant. When Mama passed away, I knew she was one of those who mourned with us deeply. Time and circumstances took its course that we lost touch. We were eventually reconnected upon knowing that her family turned out to be a cemetery caretaker ~ particularly where Mama had been buried.

It's been 21 years since Mama passed away but, still, Aling Leoning looks after Mama's grave and assured us not to worry. She selflessly took it upon herself. Such friendship. Such loyalty. Such dedication. Such love. What can I say to that? Nothing. That's something you can't teach, quantify or able to repay. I am just more than blessed to have witnessed a God-given & inspired friendship.

I may have known Mama as a mother but, through Aling Leoning's eyes, I am able to at least get a glimpse of who Mama is as a friend.

Thank you, Aling Leoning. Thank you. I thank God for you. I will see you again.

On Missing Mom

I have always been cautious to show my vulnerability on social media, especially on Facebook. Though on many occasions, when emotions were high, I had been tempted (almost like ready to give in) to bang the keys and bluntly and thoughtlessly answer the question, 'What's on my mind?' 

I held back. I didn't regret holding back ~ at all. I just have way too many FB friends to let my heart out in the open.

It's a blessing I have this nook here. I am a total stranger to about 95% of my blog readers/viewers/guests. I can at least express my vulnerability on certain occasions. 

That's just my intro, by the way. *wink*

---

I miss Mom. I miss Mama.
She passed away, went Home to glory 21 years ago. Just imagine how young I was then. I never thought time would pass by so fast, that she had been gone that long already. That long stretch of time brought me at one instance that I was taken aback because I can no longer remember the details of her face. :'( That scared me, really. I can't intricately remember the shape of her eyes, her eyelids, eyelashes, and how she closes and opens them. I can't remember her lips, cheeks and almost about the details of the face this child once used to hold her gaze.

I miss those nurturing hands that once were there.
I miss the feeling and the idea of being someone's daughter.
I miss having the freedom to just go home and rest in her arms.
I miss not having the pressure to perform well because I know I am accepted whether I exceeded or fall short of expectations.

What's left with us are her memories, a few pictures and this Footprints written on her Bible's flyleaf:

I don't know, maybe this serves as Mama's prayer for us ~ that when the going gets tough, we will be assured and comforted that God will be with us to carry us through.

With this, Mama, thank you. Your leaving had introduced us and had made us aware of God's love and comfort. 

I love you. I miss you.

Better than What I See, Better than What I Feel

He was better to me than all my hopes;
He was better than all my fears;
He made a bridge of my broken works,
And a rainbow of my tears.
The stormy waves that marked my ocean path,
Did carry my Lord on their crest;
When I dwell on the days of my wilderness march
I can lean on his love for the rest.

He emptied my hands of my treasured store,
And His covenant love revealed,
There was not a wound in my aching heart,
The balm of His breath has not healed.
Oh, tender and true was His discipline sore,
In wisdom, that taught and tried,
Till the soul that He sought was trusting in Him,
And nothing on earth beside.

He guided my paths that I could not see,
By ways that I have not known;
The crooked was straight, and the rough was plain
As I followed the Lord alone.
I praise Him still for the pleasant palms,
And the desert streams by the way,
For the glowing pillar of flame by night,
And the sheltering cloud by day.

Never a time on the dreariest day,
But some promise of love endears;
I read from the past, that my future will be
Far better than all my fears.
Like the golden jar, of the wilderness bread,
Stored up with the blossoming rod,
All safe in the ark, with the Law of the Lord,
Is the covenant care of my God.

* from this book:

Random Thoughts, V

Turn back time:

Random Thoughts, I

Random Thoughts, II

Random Thoughts, III
Random Thoughts, IV

I'm excited not because I already know something. I'm excited because I know I will be learning more things.

I love long, stuck in traffic kind of travels. 
They turn out to be 
one of my most productive times: 
I read, I study, 
I listen to music,
I rest. I sleep,
I pray.

Sometimes, we don't need a lot of sources. What we need is but a One, Faithful Source. And The Source has been faithful in reminding me just that.

From my desk calendar:

"Rest will come as you learn to adjust to the place in which God has put you, as you joyfully and thankfully adapt to the purpose that He intended."

Dear Lord, help me not to take matters into my own hands. It is by Your leading and direction that I am (now) handling 'Two', by Your grace, help me to put my complete trust in You. Bring to my remembrance that in every way, everyday, You will see me through. And in every single moment between, gracefully teach me what it really means to dance and embrace this 'Season' with You. Amen.